⚡ BREAKING
★BREAKING: Dave from Ohio reports his neighbor's dog won't stop barking. THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN NOTIFIED.★URGENT: Marie-Claire from Paris says baguette prices have risen 12 cents. EXECUTIVE ACTION PENDING.★DEVELOPING: Kenji from Tokyo cannot find parking within 3 blocks of his office. TREMENDOUS INVESTIGATION UNDERWAY.★ALERT: Grandma Doris from Nebraska says her TV remote needs new batteries. THE PRESIDENT IS AWARE.★BREAKING: Carlos from Buenos Aires reports his WiFi drops every time he starts a video call. BEING LOOKED INTO.★URGENT: Priya from Mumbai says her Uber driver took a longer route. FULL PRESIDENTIAL REVIEW INITIATED.★DEVELOPING: Steve from London is upset that his local pub ran out of his favorite ale. DIPLOMATIC CHANNELS ACTIVATED.★ALERT: Yuki from Seoul reports her cat knocked her coffee off the desk AGAIN. FEDERAL TASK FORCE ASSEMBLED.★BREAKING: Ahmed from Cairo says his falafel wrap was not wrapped tightly enough. TREMENDOUS PROGRESS EXPECTED.★URGENT: Linda from Toronto reports her neighbor's leaf blower starts at 7am on Saturdays. SANCTIONS BEING CONSIDERED.★DEVELOPING: Bjorn from Stockholm says IKEA instructions are still confusing. EXECUTIVE ORDER BEING DRAFTED.★ALERT: Fatima from Lagos reports the line at her bank is always too long. PRESIDENTIAL DECREE IMMINENT.★BREAKING: Roberto from Rome says his espresso was served lukewarm. INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT DECLARED.★URGENT: Susan from Sydney reports her avocado was not ripe when she needed it. AGRICULTURAL EMERGENCY FILED.★DEVELOPING: Hans from Munich says his neighbor parks slightly over the line. BORDER ENFORCEMENT REVIEWING.★BREAKING: Dave from Ohio reports his neighbor's dog won't stop barking. THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN NOTIFIED.★URGENT: Marie-Claire from Paris says baguette prices have risen 12 cents. EXECUTIVE ACTION PENDING.★DEVELOPING: Kenji from Tokyo cannot find parking within 3 blocks of his office. TREMENDOUS INVESTIGATION UNDERWAY.★ALERT: Grandma Doris from Nebraska says her TV remote needs new batteries. THE PRESIDENT IS AWARE.★BREAKING: Carlos from Buenos Aires reports his WiFi drops every time he starts a video call. BEING LOOKED INTO.★URGENT: Priya from Mumbai says her Uber driver took a longer route. FULL PRESIDENTIAL REVIEW INITIATED.★DEVELOPING: Steve from London is upset that his local pub ran out of his favorite ale. DIPLOMATIC CHANNELS ACTIVATED.★ALERT: Yuki from Seoul reports her cat knocked her coffee off the desk AGAIN. FEDERAL TASK FORCE ASSEMBLED.★BREAKING: Ahmed from Cairo says his falafel wrap was not wrapped tightly enough. TREMENDOUS PROGRESS EXPECTED.★URGENT: Linda from Toronto reports her neighbor's leaf blower starts at 7am on Saturdays. SANCTIONS BEING CONSIDERED.★DEVELOPING: Bjorn from Stockholm says IKEA instructions are still confusing. EXECUTIVE ORDER BEING DRAFTED.★ALERT: Fatima from Lagos reports the line at her bank is always too long. PRESIDENTIAL DECREE IMMINENT.★BREAKING: Roberto from Rome says his espresso was served lukewarm. INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT DECLARED.★URGENT: Susan from Sydney reports her avocado was not ripe when she needed it. AGRICULTURAL EMERGENCY FILED.★DEVELOPING: Hans from Munich says his neighbor parks slightly over the line. BORDER ENFORCEMENT REVIEWING.
EXECUTIVE DIRECTIVE NO. 1,000,000 | ISSUED BY THE OFFICE OF LOOKING INTO THINGS
OFFICE OF LOOKING
INTO THINGS
No problem too small. No crisis too large.
He's looking into it.
CURRENTLY ACCEPTING PETITIONS
— PRESIDENTIAL DASHBOARD — CLASSIFIED: TOTALLY REAL NUMBERS —
4,847,293
PROBLEMS SUBMITTED
100%
WILL BE LOOKED INTO
0
PROBLEMS TOO SMALL
∞
PRESIDENTIAL POWER AVAILABLE
THE WHITE HOUSE — OFFICE OF LOOKING INTO THINGS
THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN — CASES UNDER REVIEW
ALL COMPLAINTS ARE BEING HANDLED WITH THE UTMOST PRESIDENTIAL ATTENTION
CASE #TRU-2026-004521TRUMP IS AWARE
🇺🇸
Dave K.
Ohio, USA
"My neighbor's dog barks every single morning at 6am. I have tried everything. This is a national emergency."
CASE #TRU-2026-008834TREMENDOUS PROGRESS
🇫🇷
Marie-Claire D.
Paris, France
"The price of a baguette at my local boulangerie has increased by 12 cents since last year. This is unacceptable and frankly, an attack on civilization."
CASE #TRU-2026-011209BEING LOOKED INTO
🇺🇸
Grandma Doris
Nebraska, USA
"My TV remote needs new batteries and my grandson hasn't visited in three weeks to replace them. I am watching the same channel since Tuesday."
CASE #TRU-2026-019847FAKE NEWS (DISMISSED)
🇯🇵
Kenji T.
Tokyo, Japan
"There is no parking within 3 blocks of my office. I have been arriving 11 minutes early every day for 4 years. The math is devastating."
CASE #TRU-2026-023341WILL BE HUGE
🇮🇹
Roberto M.
Rome, Italy
"My espresso was served at what I can only describe as 'room temperature.' I have filed a complaint with my barista. She shrugged. I need federal intervention."
CASE #TRU-2026-031102TRUMP IS AWARE
🇰🇷
Yuki S.
Seoul, South Korea
"My cat has knocked my coffee off my desk 7 times this month. I have tried reasoning with her. She is not responsive to diplomacy."
CASE #TRU-2026-038876BEING LOOKED INTO
🇸🇪
Bjorn L.
Stockholm, Sweden
"I have assembled 14 pieces of IKEA furniture and I still do not understand the instructions. There were no words. Only pictures. The pictures lied."
CASE #TRU-2026-044590TREMENDOUS PROGRESS
🇨🇦
Linda P.
Toronto, Canada
"My neighbor runs a leaf blower at 7am every Saturday. I have tried earplugs. I have tried moving my bedroom. I am out of options."
PETITION THE OFFICE — FORM 45-A
GOT A PROBLEM? THE PRESIDENT NEEDS TO KNOW.
Submit your grievance. It will be looked into. Tremendously.
SUBMIT YOUR PROBLEM →* This website is satire. The President is not actually looking into your problems. Probably.